Tuesday, March 12, 2013


As someone living with depression, I have to fight all day every day against the voice in the back of my head that tells me what a failure I am.  What an impostor. That people are only being nice because they see how pathetic I am.  The voices say other things too.  They encourage me to kill myself.  They encourage me to just give up. 

As someone living with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), when the winter months come, and there is less sunlight, I get the voices and urges twice as badly, due to lack of sunlight. 

Yes, I know about the sunshine light bulbs. The medically recommended ones are outside my price range, and the inexpensive ones don't do the job.   And I'm not allowed a sun lamp at work anyway. So it's pretty much get sun when I can, grit my teeth, and hang on until DST starts again.

The "lost" hour of sleep is well worth it in my book because I go from having to fight a horde of destructive forces inside myself armed with my spoons to only having to fight a phalanx of destructive forces inside myself armed with just my spoons.

So it's not just "yay more daylight" for me.   It's "yay, more resources to cope with". It's "yay, more sanity". It's "yay, more strength with which to fight off the badness".

I'm sorry if you find losing that hour of sleep annoying and hate DST.

I love DST because it helps me keep living. It helps me keep fighting.

The sun is my friend on a much deeper level than I can explain.

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